you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
