:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
