im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
