You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
