Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
