member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
