Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
