so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
