Porn is love you can see.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
