I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Your cock deserves a montage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
