You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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