After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
