The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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