We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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