Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
