Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
