i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
