My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's rum buckets o'clock
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
