i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
