i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
