Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
