So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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