I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
