My balls are so social today.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
