I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
