I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
