I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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