I heard we made out
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
