can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
