I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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