so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
