After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
