Will you blow on my dice?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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