I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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