i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
