Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
