You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
