margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
