I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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