I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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