12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
