Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
