He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
