Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
