I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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