everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
