Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
two words...techno handjob
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
