Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
