yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
