You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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